Disney's Alice In Wonderland movie script

This is the unofficial Disney script from Alice in Wonderland. Please remember that this script is in no way 'official'.

These people are responsible for the making of the script
- Typed by Lenny de Rooy
- Edited and verified by Tim Montgomery

This script is copyright of Disney and is reproduced without Disney's permission. It is for entertainment purposes only: this material may not be used for any commercial or for profitable means in any way! Do not abuse it.
 

Chorus:

Alice in Wonderland, how do you get to Wonderland?
Over the hill or underland, or just behind the tree?
When clouds go rolling by, they roll away and leave the sky.
Where is the land beyond the eye, the people can not see, where can it be?
Where do stars go, where is the grass that's blue?
They must be somewhere in the sunny afternoon.
Alice in Wonderland, where is the path to Wonderland?
Over the hill or here or there, I wonder where.

Sister: ...leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and even Stigand... Alice!

Alice: Hmm...? Oh, Iím listening.

Sister: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.

Alice: He he he!

Sister: Williamís conduct at first was mo....

Alice: He he he!

Sister: Alice...! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?

Alice: Iím sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?

Sister: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.

Alice: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.

Sister: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now...

Alice: Nonsense?

Sister: Once more. From the beginning.

Alice: Thatís it, Dinah! If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isnít. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldnít be, and what it wouldnít be, it would. You see?

Dinah: Meow!

Alice: In my world, you wouldnít say Ďmeowí. Youíd say ĎYes, miss Aliceí.

Dinah: Meow!

Alice: Oh, but you would! Youíd be just like people, Dinah, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for hours, when Iím lonely in a world of my own. Thereíd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling brook and here a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.

Dinah: Meow! Meow! Meow!

Alice: Oh Dinah! Itís just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch!

White Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers! Iím late, Iím late Iím late!

Alice: Now this is curious! What could a rabbit possibly be late for? Please, sir!

White Rabbit: Iím late, Iím late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! Iím late, Iím late, Iím late!

Alice: It must be awfully important, like a party or something! Mister Rabbit! Wait!

White Rabbit: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Iím overdue. Iím really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello! Iím late, Iím late, Iím late!

Alice: My, what a peculiar place to have a party.

Dinah: Meow!

Alice: You know, Dinah, we really shouldnít...uhh...uhh...be doing this... After all, we havenít been invited! And curiosity often leads to troubl Ė l Ė l Ė e Ė e Ė e! Goodbye, Dinah! Goodbye! ... Oh! Well, after this I shall think nothing of fa-... of falling downstairs! ... Oh! Ahhh... Oh, Goodness! What if I should fall right through the center of the earth... oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down. Oh, but thatís silly. Nobody... oh! Oh, ha ha. Oh, mister Rabbit! Wait! Please! ... Curiouser and curiouser!

Doorknob: Ohhhhh!!

Alice: OH! Oh, I beg your pardon.

Doorknob: Oh, oh, itís quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!

Alice: You see, I was following...

Doorknob: Rather good, what? Doorknob, turn?

Alice: Please, sir.

Doorknob: Well, one good turn deserves another! What can I do for you?

Alice: Well, Iím looking for a white rabbit. So, um, if you donít mind...

Doorknob: Uh? Oh!

Alice: There he is! I simply must get through!

Doorknob: Sorry, youíre much too big. Simply impassible.

Alice: You mean impossible?

Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothingís impossible! Why donít you try the bottle on the table?

Alice: Table? Oh!

Doorknob: Read the directions, and directly youíll be directed in the right direction. He he he!

Alice: ĎDrink meí. Hmmm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked Ďpoisoní, itís almost certain to disagree with one, sooner or later.

Doorknob: Beg your pardon!

Alice: I was just giving myself some good advice. But... hmm, tastes like oh... cherry tart... custard... pineapple... roast turkey... goodness! What did I do?

Doorknob: Ho ho ho ho! You almost went out like a candle!

Alice: But look! Iím just the right size!

Doorknob: Oh, no use! Ha ha ha ha. I forgot to tell you, ho ho ho ho! Iím locked!

Alice: Oh no!

Doorknob: Ha ha ha, but of course, uh, youíve got the key, so...

Alice: What key?

Doorknob: Now, donít tell me youíve left it up there!

Alice: Oh, dear! What ever will I do?

Doorknob: Try the box, naturally.

Alice: Oh! ĎEat meí. All right. But goodness knows what this will do... wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!

Doorknob: whtwhsthswwdthdwd!

Alice: What did you say?

Doorknob: I said: Ďa little of that went a long wayí! Ha ha ha ha!

Alice: Well, I donít think itís so funny! Now- now I do never get ou-out!

Doorknob: Oh, come on now. Crying wonít help.

Alice: I know, but I- I- I just canít stop!

Doorknob: Hey, hey you! Bwbwlwbbwlwbl! Say, this won't do at all! You, you up there, stop!
Stop, I say! Oh look! The bottle, the bottle...

Alice: Oh dear, I do wish I hadnít cried so much.

Doorknob: glpglpglp...

Dodo: Oh, the sailorís life is the life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never never ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever does a thing for me. Oh, a sailorís life is a life for me, tiddle um dum pom pom dum de dee! And I never ne... ahoy! And other nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!

Parrot: Where away, Dodo?

Alice: Dodo?

Dodo: Three points to starboard. Follow me, me hearties! Have you at port no time at all now, haha! Oh...

Alice: Mister Dodo!

Dodo: Johoho, and a bottle of sea, we love each time...

Alice: Please! Please help me! ... Um, pardon me, but uh, would you mind helping me? Please? Yoo Ho! Yoo Ho! Help me! Please! Help me!

Dodo: Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday. Round and round and round we go, and dance for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. For backward... I say! Youíll never get dry that way!

Alice: Get dry?

Dodo: Have to run with the others! First rule of a caucus-race, you know!

Alice: But how can I...

Dodo: Thatís better! Have you dry in no time now!

Alice: No-one can ever get dry this way!

Dodo: Nonsense! I am as dry as a bone already.

Alice: Yes, but...

Dodo: All right, chaps! Let's head now! Look lively!

Alice: The white rabbit! Mister Rabbit! Mi- mister Rabbit!

White Rabbit: Oh, my goodness! Iím late! Iím late!

Alice: Oh, donít go away! Iíll be right back!

White Rabbit: Iím late, Iím late, Iím late!

Dodo: Donít step on the fish! Eric, there, wonít you there stop kicking that mackerel! William...

Alice: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh dear, Iím sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmmm... not here. I wonder... No, I suppose he must have... Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures! Tweedle Dee... and Tweedle Dum!

Tweedle Dee: If you think weíre wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!

Tweedle Dum: Contrariwise, if you think weíre alive you ought to speak to us!

Dee & Dum: Thatís logic!

Alice: Well, itís been nice meeting you. Goodbye!

Dee: Youíre beginning backwards!

Dum: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.

Dee & Dum: Thatís manners!

Alice: Really? Well, my name is Alice and Iím following a white rabbit. So...

Dee: You canít go yet!

Dum: No, the visit has just started!

Alice: Iím very sorry...

Dum: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?

Dee: Or button-button, whoís got the button?

Alice: No, thank you.

Dee: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!

Alice: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.

Dee & Dum: Why?

Alice: Because I am following a white rabbit!

Dee & Dum: Why?

Alice: Well, I- Iím curious to know where he is going!

Dum: Ohhhh, sheís curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!...

Dee: The oysters were curious too, werenít they?

Dum: Aye, and you remember what happened to them...

Dee & Dum: Poor things!

Alice: Why? What did happen to the oysters?

Dee: Oh, you wouldnít be interested.

Alice: But I am!

Dum: Oh, no. Youíre in much too much of a hurry!

Alice: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time...

Dee & Dum: You could? Well...

Dee: ĎThe Walrus and the Carpenterí!

Dum: Or: ĎThe story of the curious Oystersí!

Dee & Dum: The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might, he did his very best to make the billows full and bright. And this was odd, because it was the middle of the night. The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand. The beach was white from side to side but much too full of sand. ĎMister Walrusí, said the Carpenter: ĎMy brain begins to burke. Weíll sweep this clear in half a year, if you don't mind the work.'

Walrus: Work? Uh, pff, brrrr! Uh the time has come (the Walrus said), to talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Calloo, callay, no work today! Weíre cabbages and kings! ... Oh, uhhh, oysters, come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright! A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, would be a sheer delight!

Carpenter: Yes, and should we get hungry on the way, weíll stop and uh... have a bite!

Walrus: Hrmmmm!

Dee & Dum: But mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head. She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed.

Mother oyster: The sea is nice, take my advice, and stay right here.

Dee & Dum: Mom said.

Walrus: Yes, yes, of course, of course! But eh... haha! The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Haha! Calloo, callay, come run away! Weíre the cabbages and kings! ... Hrmmm, well now, uh... let me see... Ah! A loaf of bread is what we chiefly need.

Carpenter: How about some pepper and salt and vinegar, aye?

Walrus: Oh yes, yes, splendid idea! Haha, very good indeed! Now, if youíre ready, oysters dear... haha... we can begin to feed.

Oysters: Feed?

Walrus: Oh yes, ahh, the time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things!

Carpenter: Of peppercorns and mustard seed and other seasonings. Weíll mix some all together in a sauce as good for kings. Callooh, callay, weíll live today, like cabbages and kings!

Walrus: I uh,  weep for you, I -uh- oh, excuse me, I deeply sympathize. For I've enjoyed your company, oh, much more than you realize.

Carpenter: Little oysters, little oysters...

Dee & Dum: But answer there came none. And this was scarcely odd, because, theyíd been eaten, every one!

Walrus: Hmm, well, uhhh, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, hmm... the time has come!

Dee & Dum: With cabbages and kings! The end!

Alice: That was a very sad story.

Dum: Aye, and thereís a moral to it.

Alice: Oh yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. Well, itís been a very nice visit...

Dum: Another recitation...

Alice: Iím sorry, but...

Dum: Itís titled ĎFather Williamí.

Alice: But really, Iím...

Dum: First verse: You are old father William, the young man said and your hair has become very white. And yet you incessantly stand on your head, do you think at your age it is right, is right, do you think at your age it is right? Well, in me youth, father William replied to his son, Iíd do it again and again and again and Iíd done it again and again and again...

Alice: Now I wonder who lives here...

White Rabbit: Mary Ann! ?? that girl. Where did she put 'em? Mary Ann!

Alice: The rabbit!

White Rabbit: Mary Ann! No use, canít wait, Iím awfully late, oh me oh might oh me oh might!

Alice: Excuse me sir, but- but Iíve been trying to...

White Rabbit: Why, Mary Ann! What are you doing out here?

Alice: Mary Ann?

White Rabbit: Donít just do something standing... Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! Iím late!

Alice: But late for what? Thatís just what I...

White Rabbit: My gloves! At once, do you hear!

Alice: Goodness. I suppose Iíll be taking orders from Dinah next. Hmmm, now let me see. If I were a rabbit, where would I keep my gloves? Oh! Thank you. Donít mind if I do. Hmhm. Hmhm. Hmhmhmhmhmhm. Hmhmhmhmhmhm-oeh! Oh no no, not again!

White Rabbit: Oh! Mary Ann! Now you see here, Mary Ann... Help! No! No! Help! Monsters! Help, assistance!

Alice: No... no... no... dear!

White Rabbit: A monster! A monster, Dodo! In my house, Dodo!

Alice: Dodo...?

White Rabbit: Oh might, poor little bitty house...

Dodo: Uh, steady old champ.Can't be as bad as all that you know.

White Rabbit: Oh my poor roof and rafters, all my walls and... there it is!

Dodo: By Jove! Jolly well?? is! Isnít it?

White Rabbit: Well, do something, Dodo!

Dodo: Yes, indeed! Extraordinary situation, but eh...

White Rabbit: But- but- but- but- but what?

Dodo: But I have a very simple solution!

Alice: Thank goodness!

White Rabbit: Wha- wha- what is it?

Dodo: Simply pull it out the chimney.

White Rabbit: Yes, go- go- go ahead, go ahead! Pull it out!

Dodo: Who? Me? Donít be ridiculous! What we need is eh... a lizard with a ladder!

White Rabbit: Hmm? Oh! Bill! Bill! Eh, we need a lazzerd with a lizard, a lizard a bb...b... can you help us?

Bill: At your service, governor!

Dodo: Here, my lad??. Have you ever been down a chimney?

Bill: Why governor, Iíve been down more chimneys...

Dodo: Excellent, excellent. You just pop down the chimney, and haul that monster out of there.

Bill: Righto, governor! Monster? Hoeaaaaah! No! No! ....

Dodo: Thatís better! Bill, lad, youíre passing up a golden opportunity!

Bill: I am?

Dodo: You can be famous!

Bill: I can?

Dodo: Of course! Thereís a brave lad! In you go now. Nothing to it, old boy. Simply tie your tail around the monsters neck and drag it out!

Bill: But- but- but governor!

Dodo: Good luck, Bill!

Alice: Ah- ah- ah- ah... choo!

Dodo: Well, there goes Bill...

Alice: Poor Bill...

Dodo: Ehh, perhaps we should try a more energetic remedy.

White Rabbit: Yes, anything, anything. But hurry!

Dodo: No, I- I propose that we... uhh...

White Rabbit: Yes, come on, come on, yes, yes...

Dodo: I propose that we... uhh... dow! By Jove! Thatís it! Weíll burn the house down!

White Rabbit: Yes, hihi! Burn the house... what?

Alice: Oh no!

Dodo: Hi ho! Oh, weíll smoke the blighter out. HeĎll put the beast to rout. Some kindling, a  stick or two, all this bit of rubbish ought to do.

White Rabbit: Oh dear...

Dodo: Weíll smoke the blighter there out, weíll smoke the monster out!

White Rabbit: No, no! Not my beautiful house!

Dodo: Oh, weíll roast the blighter's toes, weíll toast the bounder's nose! Go fetch that gate, weíll make it clear that monsters arenít welcome here.

White Rabbit: Oh me, oh my...

Dodo: A match!

White Rabbit: Match?

Dodo: Thank you! Weíll blow the thing there out, weíll smoke the monster out!

White Rabbit: Weíll smoke the monster out... noho! Noho, my poor house and furniture...

Alice: Oh dear, this is serious! I simply must... oh! A garden! Perhaps if I will eat something it will make me grow smaller...

White Rabbit: Ahhhh! Oh, let go! Help!

Alice: Iím sorry, but I must eat something!

White Rabbit: Not me, you- you- you- you- you barbarian! Help! Monsters! Help! Ah! Iím late! Oh dear, Iím here, I should be there! Iím late, Iím late, Iím late!

Dodo: Ah, say, do you have a match?

White Rabbit: Must go. Goodbye. Hello. Iím late, Iím late, Iím late!

Alice: Wait! Please wait!

Dodo: Ah, young lady! Do you have a match?

Alice: No, I- Iím sorry, but... mister Rabbit!

Dodo: No cooperation, no cooperation at all? We canít have monsters about! Jolly will have to carry on alone! Pf, pf, pf, pf...

Alice: Wait! Please! Just a minute! Oh, dear. Iíll never catch him while Iím this small. Why curious butterflies!

Rose: You mean bread-and-butterflies.

Alice: Oh, yes, of course, I... hmm? Now who do you suppose... Ah, a horse fly! I mean, a- a rocking horse fly!

Rose: Naturally!

Alice: I beg your pardon, but uhh... did you... oh, thatís nonsense. Flowers canít talk.

Rose: But of course we can talk, my dear.

Snap-dragon: If thereís anyone worth talking to.

Marguerite: Or about! Hahahaha!

Violets: And we sing too!

Alice: You do?

Tulips: Oh, yes. Would you like to hear ĎTell it to the tulipsí?

Larkspur??: No, letís sing about us!

Violets: We know one about the shy little violets...

1st Lily: Oh, no, not that old thing!

2nd Lily: Letís do ĎLovely lily at the valleyí!

Daisies: How about the daisies in the...

Lilac: Oh, she wouldnít like that!

Rose: Girls, girls! We shall sing: ĎGolden afternooní. Thatís about all of us! Sound your A, Lily!

Lily: Laaaa...

Violets: Mimimimi...

Marguerite: Lalalala...

Snap-dragon: Hahahahahahaha...

Marigolds: Poem, poepoem, poem, poempoempoempoem....

All flowers: Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips, and the sun is like a toy balloon. There are get up in the morning glories, in the golden afternoon. There are dizzy daffodils on the hillside, strings of violets are all in tune, Tiger lilies love the dandy lions, in the golden afternoon, the golden afternoon. There are dog and caterpillars and a copper centipede, where the lazy daisies love the very peaceful life they lead... You can learn a lot of things from the flowers, for especially in the month of June. Thereís a wealth of happiness and romance, all in the golden afternoon. ... All in the golden afternoon, the golden afternoon...

Alice: You can learn a lot of things from the flowers, for especially in the month of June. Thereís a wealth of happiness and romance, oh...

Flowers: ...the golden afternoon!

Alice: Oh, that was lovely.

Rose: Thank you, my dear.

Marguerite: What kind of garden do you come from?

Alice: Well I donít come from any garden...

Marguerite: Oh, do you suppose sheís a wild flower?

Alice: Oh no, Iím not a wild flower...

Rose: Just what specie, or shall we say, genus, are you, my dear?

Alice: Well, I suppose you call me a genus, humanus, eh... Alice!

Marguerite: Ever seen an Alice with a blossom like that?

Snap-dragon: Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice?

Marguerite: Yes, and did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color!

Snap-dragon: And no fragrance!

Marguerite: Hahaha! Just look at those stems!

Snap-dragon: Rather scrawny, I'd say.

Rose bud: I think sheís pretty!

Rose: Quiet, bud!

Alice: But Iím not a flower!

Snap-dragon: Aha! Just as I suspected! Sheís nothing but a common mobile vulgaris!

Flowers: Oh no!

Alice: A common what?

Snap-dragon: To put it bluntly: a weed!

Alice: Iím not a weed!

Tulip: Well, you wouldnít expect her to admit it.

Lilac: Can you imagine!

Marguerite: Well, goodness!

Lily: Donít let her stay here and go to seed!

Other flower??: Go on now!

Rose: Please, girls...

Violets: We donít want weeds in our bed!

Alice: Oh, all right, if thatís the way you feel about it. If I were my right size, I could pick every one of you if I wanted to! And I'd guess that'd teach you!

Flowers: He he he!

Alice: You can learn a lot of things from the flowers... Huh! Seems to me they could learn a few things about manners!

Caterpillar: A, e i o u, a e i o u, a e i o u, o, u e i o a, u e i a, a e i o u... Who are you?

Alice: I- I- I hardly know, sir! I changed so many times since this morning, you see...

Caterpillar: I do not see. Explain yourself.

Alice: Why, Iím afraid I canít explain myself, sir, because Iím not myself, you know...

Caterpillar: I do not know.

Alice: Well, I canít put it anymore clearly for it isnít clear to me!

Caterpillar: You? Who are you?

Alice: Well, donít you think you ought to tell me- cough-cough, cough-cough, who you are first?

Caterpillar: Why?

Alice: Oh dear. Everything is so confusing.

Caterpillar: It is not.

Alice: Well, it is to me.

Caterpillar: Why?

Alice: Well, I canít remember things as I used to, and...

Caterpillar: Recite.

Alice: Hmm? Oh! Oh, oh, yes, sir! Um... how doth the little busy bee, improve each such...

Caterpillar: Stop! That is not spoken correcitically. It goes: how...

Alice: He he he!

Caterpillar: Hmm! How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... how cheer... Ahem!

Alice: Ha ha ha!

Caterpillar: How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws.

Alice: Well I must say Iíve never heard it that way before...

Caterpillar: I know, I have improved it.

Alice: Well, cough-cough, if you ask me...

Caterpillar: You? Huh, who are you?

Alice: Cough-cough, cough-cough, A-choo! Oh!

Caterpillar: You there! Girl! Wait! Come back! I have something important to say!

Alice: Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now. Well...?

Caterpillar: Keep your temper!

Alice: Is that all?

Caterpillar: No. Exacitically, what is your problem?

Alice: Well, itís exacitici-, exaciti-, well, itís precisely this: I should like to be a little larger, sir.

Caterpillar: Why?

Alice: Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and...

Caterpillar: I am exacitically three inches high, and it is a very good height indeed!

Alice: But Iím not used to it. And you neednít shout! Oh dear!

Caterpillar: By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller...

Alice: One side of what?

Caterpillar: ...and the other side will make you grow shorter.

Alice: The other side of what?

Caterpillar: The mushroom, of course!!

Alice: Hmm. One side will make me grow... but which is which? Hmm. After all thatís happened, I- I wonder if I... I donít care. Iím tired of being only three inches high -Yi -Yi -Yi -Yi -Yi!

Bird: Ah! A serpent! Aaaaahhh! Help! Help! Serpent! Serpent!

Alice: Oh, but please! Please!

Bird: Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpent!

Alice: But Iím not a serpent!

Bird: So?! Indeed? Then just what are you?

Alice: Iím just a little girl!

Bird: Little? Ha, little? Whahahaha!

Alice: Well I am! I mean, I- I was...

Bird: And, I suppose you donít eat eggs, either?

Alice: Yes, I do, but...

Bird: I knew!

Alice: But- but- but...

Bird: I knew it! Serpent! Serpent!

Alice: Oh, for goodness sake! Hmmm... and the other side will...

Bird: A very idea! Spend all my time lying eggs, for serpents like her! Aaaaaaahhh! Oh, Oh, oh, oh!

Alice: Goodness... I wonder if Iíll ever get the knack of it. There, thatís much better. Hmmm... I better save these. Now letís see, where was I? Hmmm, I wonder which way I ought to go...

Cheshire Cat: ĎTwas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the momeraths outgrabe.

Alice: Now where in the world do you suppose that...

Cheshire Cat: Uh... loose something?

Alice: Oh! Hehe, Oh uhhh... hehe... I- I was... no, no, I- I- I- I mean, I uhh... I was just wondering...

Cheshire Cat: Oh uhh, thatís quite all right! Oh, hrmm, one moment please... Oh! Second chorus... ĎTwas brilllig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe...

Alice: Why, why youíre a cat!

Cheshire Cat: A Cheshire Cat. All mimsy were the borogoves...

Alice: Oh, wait! Donít go, please!

Cheshire Cat: Very well. Third chorus...

Alice: Oh no no no... thank you, but- but I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go.

Cheshire Cat: Well, that depends on where you want to get to.

Alice: Oh, it really doesnít matter, as long as I c...

Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesnít matter which way you go! Ah-hmm... and the momeraths outgrabe... Oh, by the way, if youíd really like to know, he went that way.

Alice: Who did?

Cheshire Cat: The white rabbit.

Alice: He did?

Cheshire Cat: He did what?

Alice: Went that way?

Cheshire Cat: Who did?

Alice: The white rabbit!

Cheshire Cat: What rabbit?

Alice: But didnít you just say... I mean... oh dear!

Cheshire Cat: Can you stand on your head?

Alice: Oh!

Cheshire Cat: However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, Iíd ask the Mad Hatter.

Alice: The Mad Hatter? Uh... no, no, I do- I do...

Cheshire Cat: Or, thereís the March Hare. In that direction.

Alice: Oh, thank you. I- I think I shall visit him.

Cheshire Cat: Of course, heís mad too.

Alice: But I donít want to go among mad people!

Cheshire Cat: Oh, you canít help that. Almost everyone is mad here. Ha... ha ha ha ha ha! You may have noticed that Iím not all there myself.... hahaha... and the momeraths outgrabe...

Alice: Goodness. If the people here are like that, I- I must try not to upset them. How very curious!

March Hare: ...to us. A very know what day today is tea forget of us??

Mad Hatter: A very merry unbirthday...

March Hare: A very merry unbirthday...

Mad Hatter & March Hare: A very merry unbirthday to us! ...

March Hare: A very merry unbirthday to me.

Mad Hatter: To who?

March Hare: To me.

Mad Hatter: Oh you!

March Hare: A very merry unbirthday to you.

Mad Hatter: Who, me?

March Hare: Yes, you.

Mad Hatter: Oh me!

March Hare: Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea, a very merry unbirthday to you!

March Hare & Mad Hatter: No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!

Alice: But I thought there was plenty of room!

March Hare: Ah, but itís very rude to sit down without being invited!

Mad Hatter: I say itís rude. Itís very very rude, indeed! Hah!

Doormouse: Very very very rude, indeed...

Alice: Oh, Iím very sorry, but I did enjoy your singing and I wondered if you could tell me...

March Hare: You enjoyed our singing?

Mad Hatter: Oh, what a delightful child! Hah! Iím so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea!

March Hare: Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!

Alice: That would be very nice. Iím sorry I interrupted your birthdayparty... uh, thank you.

March Hare: Birthday? Hahaha! My dear child, this is not a birthdayparty!

Mad Hatter: Of course not! Hehehe! This is an unbirthdayparty!

Alice: Unbirthday? Why, Iím sorry, but I donít quite understand.

March Hare: Itís very simple. Now, thirty days have sept- no, when... an unbirthday, if you have a birthday then you... haha... she doesnít know what an unbirthday is!

Mad Hatter: How silly! Ha HA Ha Ha! Ah-hum... I shall ellusinate! Now statistics prove, prove that youíve one birthday.

March Hare: Imagine, just one birthday every year.

Mad Hatter: Ahhh, but there are 364 unbirthdays!

March Hare: Precisely why weíre gathered here to cheer!

Alice: Why, then today is my unbirthday too!

March Hare: It is?

Mad Hatter: What a small world this is.

March Hare: In that case... a very merry unbirthday.

Alice: To me?

Mad Hatter: To you!

March Hare: A very merry unbirthday.

Alice: For me?

Mad Hatter: For you! Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he!

March Hare & Mad hatter: A very merry unbirthday to you!

Doormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what youíre at! Up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky!

Alice: Oh, that was lovely!

Mad Hatter: And uh, and now my dear, hehe, uh... you were saying that you would like to sit uh...? You were sitting some information some kind... hehe!

Alice: Oh, yes. You see, Iím looking for a...

Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!

Alice: But I havenít used my cup!

March Hare: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!

Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?

Alice: Well, I havenít had any yet, so I canít very well take more...

March Hare: Ahh, you mean you canít very well take less!

Mad Hatter: Yes! You can always take more than nothing!

Alice: But I only meant that...

Mad Hatter: And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you. Uh, wonít you tell us all about it?

March Hare: Start at the beginning.

Mad Hatter: Yes, yes! And when you come to the end, hehehe, stop! See?

Alice: Well, it all started while I was sitting on the riverbank with Dinah.

March Hare: Very interesting. Whoís Dinah?

Alice: Why, Dinah is my cat. You see...

Doormouse: Cat?

March Hare: Hurry! Give the jam! Quickly! Give the jam! On his nose! Put it on his nose!

Mad Hatter: On his nose, on his nose!

Doormouse: Whereís the cat...

Mad Hatter: Oh. Oh, my goodness! Those are the things that upset me!

March Hare: See all the trouble youíve started?

Alice: But really, I didnít think...

March Hare: Ah, but thatís the point! If you donít think, you shouldnít talk!

Mad Hatter: Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!

Alice: But I still havenít used....

Mad Hatter: Move down, move down, move down, move down... And now my dear, as you were saying?

Alice: Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...

Mad Hatter: I do, hehehe?

Alice: I mean my C - A - T...

Mad Hatter: Tea?

March Hare: Just half a cup if you donít mind.

Mad Hatter: Come, come my dear. hehehe! Donít you care for tea?

Alice: Why, yes, Iím very fond of tea, but...

March Hare: If you donít care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!

Alice: Well, Iíve been trying to ask you...

March Hare: I have an excellent idea! Letís change the subject!

Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Alice: Riddles? Let me see now. Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?

Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Mad Hatter: Why is a what?

March Hare: Careful! Sheís stark raving mad!

Alice: But- but itís your silly riddle! You just said...

Mad Hatter: Very good??!

March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?

Alice: A nice cup of tea, indeed! Well, Iím sorry, but I just havenít the time!

March Hare: The time, the time! Whoís got the time?

White Rabbit: No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye! Iím late! Iím late!

Alice: The white rabbit!

White Rabbit: Oh, Iím so late! Iím so very very late!

Mad Hatter: Well, no wonder youíre late! Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!

White Rabbit: Two days slow?

Mad Hatter: Of course youíre late. Hahaha! My goodness. Weíll have to look into this. A-ha! I see whatís wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!

White Rabbit: Oh, my good watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs! But- but- but- but, but- but- but...

Mad Hatter: Butter! Of course, we need some butter! Butter!

March Hare: Butter!

White Rabbit: But- but- butter?

Mad Hatter: Butter, oh, thank you, butter. Ha ha. Yes, thatís fine.

White Rabbit: Oh no no, no no no youíll get crumbs in it!

Mad Hatter: Oh, this is the very best butter! What are you talking about?

March Hare: Tea?

Mad Hatter: Tea! Oh, I never thought of tea! Of course!

White Rabbit: No!

Mad Hatter: Tea! hehehe

White Rabbit: No! Not tea!

March Hare: Sugar?

Mad Hatter: Sugar. Two spoons, yes, ha, two spoons. Thank you, yes.

White Rabbit: Oh, please! Be careful!

March Hare: Jam?

Mad Hatter: Jam! I forgot all about jam!

White Rabbit: No, no! Not jam!

Mad Hatter: Yes, sure you want, itís nice to see.

March Hare: Mustard?

Mad Hatter: Mustard? Yes, but... Mustard? Donít letís be silly! Lemon, thatís different, thatís... yes! That should do it. Hahaha! ... Look at that!

March Hare: Itís going mad!

Alice: Oh, my goodness!

White Rabbit: Oh dear!

March Hare: It is going mad! Mad watch!

Mad Hatter: I don't understand, it's the best butter.

March Hare: Mad watch! Mad watch! Mad watch!

Mad Hatter: Oh, look! Oh my goodness!

March hare: Thereís only one way to stop a mad watch!

Mad Hatter: Two days slow, thatís what it is.

White Rabbit: Oh, my watch...

Mad Hatter: It was?

White Rabbit: And it was an unbirthday present too.

March Hare: Well, in that case...

March Hare & Mad Hatter: A very merry unbirthday to you!

Alice: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh, now where did he go to?

March Hare & Mad Hatter: A very merry unbirthday to us, to us. A very merry unbirthday to us, to us...

Alice: Of all the silly nonsense, this is the stupidest tea party Iíve ever been to in all my life. Well, Iíve had enough nonsense. Iím going home. Straight home. That rabbit. Who cares where heís going anyway. Why, if it hadnít been for him I... ĎTulgey Woodí... Hmm, curious. I donít remember this. Now let me see... Oh! Uh, no no, please. No more nonsense. Now, if I came this way, I should go back this way!

Duck: Quack!

Alice: Oh, I beg your pardon!

Duck: Quack quack quack quack! ...

Alice: Goodness. When I get home I shall write a book about this place... If I- if I ever do get home... Oh, um, excuse me! Um, could one of you tell me... uh... ha ha, never mind. Oh dear. Itís getting dreadfully dark. And nothing looks familiar. I shall certainly be glad to get out of... Oh! ... It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change! Oh! ĎDonít step on the momerathsí. The momeraths? Oh! A path! Oh thank goodness! Why, I just knew Iíd find one sooner or later. Oh, if I hurry back I might even be home in time for tea! Oh, would Dinah be happy to see me! Oh, I just canít wait Ďtill I- oh! Oh dear! Now I- now I shall never get out. Well, when- when oneís lost, I- I suppose itís good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. But- but whoíd ever think to look for me here? Good advice. If I listened earlier I wouldnít be here! But thatís just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice... but I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that Iím always in. Be patient is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change, should something strange begin. Well, I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should have known thereíd be a price to pay, some day. Some day. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. Will I ever learn to do the things I should?

Chorus: Should I ever learn to do the things I should

Cheshire Cat: Hmhmhmhm... and the momeraths outgrabe.

Alice: Oh, Cheshire Cat, itís you!

Cheshire Cat: Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance?

Alice: Oh, no no no no. I- I- Iím through with rabbits. I want to go home! But I canít find my way.

Cheshire Cat: Naturally. Thatís because you have no way. All ways here you see, are the queenís ways.

Alice: But Iíve never met any queen.

Cheshire Cat: You havenít? You havenít? Oh, but you must! Sheíll be mad about you, simply mad! Hahaha! And the momeraths outgrabe...

Alice: Please, please! Uh... how can I find her?

Cheshire Cat: Well, some go this way, some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the shortcut.

Alice: Oh!

Card painters: Da dee dee da da da, Doodle de do, dee do dee do, bum bum bum bum, Painting the roses red, weíre painting the roses red, we cannot stop or waste a drop, so let the painting spread. Weíre painting the roses red, weíre painting the roses red! Painting the roses red, a bitter tear we shed, because we know theyíll seize to grow, in fact theyíll soon be dead. Noooo! And yet we go ahead, painting the roses red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red. Painting the roses red, weíre painting the roses red...

Alice: Oh, pardon me, but mister Three, why must you paint them red?

Card painters: Huh? Oh! Well, the fact is, miss: we planted the white roses by mistake. And, the queen she likes them red. If she saw what we said, sheíd raise her voice and each of us would quickly loose his head.

Alice: Goodness!

Card painters: Since this is that what we dread, weíre painting the roses red!

Alice: Oh dear! Then let me help you! Painting the roses red...

Alice & Card painters: Weíre painting the roses red. Donít tell the queen what you have seen, or say thatís what we said, what, weíre painting the roses red...

Alice: Yes, painting the roses red...

Card painters: Not pink, not green...

Alice: Not aqua-marine...

Alice & Card painters: Weíre painting the roses red!

Card painters: The Queen! The Queen!

Alice: The Queen!

Card painters: The Queen! ...

Queen: Cards, halt! Count off!

Cards: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Jack.

Alice: The rabbit!

White Rabbit: He...he... her imperial highness, he... her grace, her excellency, her royal majesty, the Queen of Hearts! And the King...

Mickey Mouse??: Hurray!

Queen: Hum... Whoís been painting my roses red? Whoís been painting my roses red? Who dares to taint, with vulgar paint, the royal flower bed? For painting my roses red, someone will loose his head!

Three: Oh, no! Your majesty! Please, itís all his fault!

Two: Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace!

Queen: You?

Ace: No, Two!

Queen: The Deuce you say?

Two: Not me, the Three!

Queen: Thatís enough! Off with their heads!

Cards: Theyíre going to loose their heads, for painting the roses red, it serves them right, they planted white, the roses should be red. Oh, theyíre going to loose their head...

Queen: Silence!

Alice: Oh, please, please! They were only trying to...

Queen: And who is this?

King: Uh... well, well, well, now, eh... let me see, my dear. It certainly isnít a heart... do you suppose itís a club?

Queen: Why, itís a little girl.

Alice: Yes, and- and I was hoping...

Queen: Look up, speak nicely, and donít twiddle your fingers! Turn out your toes. Curtsey. Open your mouth a little wider, and always say Ďyes, your majestyí!

Alice: Yes, your majesty!

Queen: Hmhmhmhm. Now, um, where do you come from, and where are you going?

Alice: Well, um, Iím trying to find my way home...

Queen: Your way? All ways here are my ways!

Alice: Well, yes, I know, but I was just thinking...

Queen: Curtsey while youíre thinking, it saves time.

Alice: Yes, your majesty, but I was only going to ask...

Queen: Iíll ask the questions! Do you play croquet?

Alice: Why, yes, your majesty.

Queen: Then let the game begin!

King: In your places, in your places, By order of the king! Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Queen: Shuffle deck! Cards cut! Deal cards! Cards, halt! ... Silence! Pfwfwfwfw! ... Off with his head!

King: Off with his head, off with his head! By order of the king. You heard what she said!

Queen: Youíre next!

Alice: Oh, but...

Queen: Hahaha... my dear.

Alice: Ahhh... Yes, your majesty.

Queen: Hmhmhmhmhm....

Cards: Hahahahaha!

Alice: Oh... hahahahaha! Stop!

Queen: Grrrwl, ??

Alice: Do you want us both to loose our heads?

Flamingo: Uh! Hum!

Alice: Well, I donít!

Cards: Hahahaha... Hurray! ... Hahahaha!

Cheshire Cat: La la la da da dum... la la la hmm... I say, how are you getting on?

Alice: Not at all.

Cheshire Cat: Beg your pardon?

Alice: I said Ďnot at allí!

Queen: Whom are you talking to?

Alice: Oh, uh... a cat, your majesty!

Queen: Cat? Where?

Alice: There! Oh... Oh there he is again!

Queen: I warn you child, if I loose my temper, you loose your head, understand?

Cheshire Cat: You know, we could make her really angry. Shall we try?

Alice: Oh no no!

Cheshire Cat: Oh, but itís lots of fun!

Alice: No, no, no! Stop! Oh no!

White Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers!

King: Oh dear! Save the queen!

Queen: Someoneís head will roll for this! Yours! Off with her...

King: But- but consider, my dear. Couldnít she have a trial... uh... first?

Queen: Trial?

King: Well, just a... uh... little trial? Hmm?

Queen: Hmm. Very well then. Let the trial begin!

White Rabbit: Huh... your majesty... members of the jury... loyal subjects...

King: A-hem...

White Rabbit: ...and the king. The prisoner at the bar is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, and thereby willfully...

Alice: But...

White Rabbit: ...and with malice aforethought, teasing, tormenting, and otherwise annoying arb...

Queen: Donít mind all that! Get to the part where I loose my temper.

White Rabbit: Bwbwbwl... thereby causing the queen to loose her temper.

Queen: Now, Ha ha... are you ready for your sentence?

Alice: Sentence? Ah, but there must be a verdict first!

Queen: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.

Alice: But that just isnít the way!

Queen: All ways are...

Alice: Your ways, your majesty.

Queen: Yes, my child. Off with her...

King: Consider, my dear. Uh... we called no witnesses... Uh... couldnít we... uh... maybe one or two? Ha? Maybe?

Queen: Oh, very well. But get on with it!

King: First witness! First witness! Ah, weíll call the first witness.

White Rabbit: The March Hare. Oh, oh, what do you know about this uh... unfortunate affair?

March Hare: Nothing.

Queen: Nothing whatever?

March Hare: Nothing whatever!

Queen: Thatís very important! Jury, write that down!

Alice: Unimportant, uh... your majesty means of course...

Queen: Silence! Next witness.

White Rabbit: The Doormouse!

Queen: Well...

Cards: Shhh!

Queen: What have you to say about this?

Doormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder...

Queen: Thatís the most important piece of evidence weíve heard yet. Write that down!

Jury: Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...

Alice: Twinkle, twinkle. What next?

White Rabbit: The Mad Hatter!

Mad Hatter: Oh... he he he he!

Queen: Off with your hat!

Mad Hatter: Oh, my! He he he!

King: And eh... where were you when this horrible crime was committed?

Mad Hatter: I was home, drinking tea. Today you know is my unbirthday.

King: Why, my dear! Today is your unbirthday too!

Queen: It is?

March Hare & Mad Hatter: It is?

Cards: It is?

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday!

Queen: To me?

Alice: Oh no!

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: To you! A very merry unbirthday!

Queen: For me?

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: For you!

Mad Hatter: Now blow the candle off, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday, to you!

Alice: Oh! Your majesty!

Queen: Oh, yes, my dear?

Alice: Look! There he is now!

Queen: He? Where? Who?

Alice: The Cheshire Cat!

Queen: Cat?

Doormouse: Cat! Cat? Cat cat cat cat!

March Hare: Hang on, hang on!

Mad Hatter: This is terrible!

Doormouse: Cat cat cat cat!

Mad Hatter: Help! Help!

King: Catch him! Stand in!

March Hare: Catch him! Catch him! Go for it!

Mad Hatter: Help him! Catch him! Give me the jam, the jam!

King: The jam! The jam! By order of the king!

Mad Hatter: The jam!

Queen: Let me have it! Somebodyís head is going to roll for this! A-ha!

Alice: The mushroom!

Queen: Off with her h...hmpf!

Alice: Oh, pooh. Iím not afraid of you! Why, youíre nothing but a pack of cards!

Cards: Huh?

King: Rule forty-two: all persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.

Alice: Iím not a mile high. And Iím not leaving.

Queen: Hehehe... sorry! Rule forty-two, you know.

Alice: And as for you, your majesty! Your majesty indeed! Why, youíre not a queen, but just a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty- tyrant...

Queen: Hmhmhmhm... and uh... what were you saying, my dear?

Cheshire Cat: Well, she simply said that youíre a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha!

Queen: Off with her head!

King: You heard what her majesty said! Off with her head! ...

All: Forward, backward, inward, outward, here we go again! No one ever looses and no one can ever win. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, thereís...

Queen: Off with her head! Off with her head!

March Hare: Just a moment! You canít leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know!

Alice: But- but I canít stop now!

March Hare: Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea!

Queen: Off with her head!

Alice: Mister Caterpillar! What will I do?

Caterpillar: Who are you?

Alice: Cough-cough! Cough-cough!

Queen: There she goes! Donít let her get away! Off with her head!

Doorknob: Awww! Still locked, you know.

Alice: But the Queen! I simply must get out!

Doorknob: Oh, but you are outside.

Alice: What?

Doorknob: See for yourself!

Alice: Why, why thatís me! Iím asleep!

Queen: Donít let her get away! Off with her head!

Alice: Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice!

Sister: Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?

Alice: Huh? Oh. Oh! Uh... how doth the little crocodile, improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the...

Sister: Alice, what are you talking about?

Alice: Oh, Iím sorry, but you see, the Caterpillar said...

Sister: Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sake. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, itís time for tea.
 

Chorus:

Alice in Wonderland, over the hill or here or there, I wonder where.

Alice in Wonderland, how do you get to Wonderland?
Over the hill or under land, or just behind the tree?
Alice in Wonderland, where is the path to Wonderland?
Over the hill or here or there, I wonder where.